Haitus.Over

Well, what a long hiatus I have taken. There has just been so much. I think things are finally starting to settle down a bit, and for that I am grateful.

I don’t think that one ever truly finishes grieving. I think that we only get to a point where we can cope without falling into a complete boobing, bawling mess hourly daily. I believe that I have actually come to terms with the fact that my Dad had cancer and now he is in heaven. While I am sure “there” is a much better place than here; and also that he is hanging with the coolest guy ever, it is hard to walk into his workshop and see his sketches on graph paper that my brother has hung on the wall as the prized pieces of art they are. Everywhere I look I see my Dad’s signature touch. Everywhere. Now I can say that about 67.8% of the time I smile, instead of crying; grateful for the beautiful stroke of his brush in my life.

My Dad was one of my strongest advocates. He believed in me, he challenged me, he teased me, he stuck his tongue out at me. In one of our last visits he shared his heart with me. It was one of the most intimate conversations he and I ever had. I will never forget the words that he said to me and the wisdom he imparted. My commitment to him was to earnestly strive every day toward an eternal destination. It was his way of leaving me with the one thing [person] that meant the very most to him. What an amazing gift my Dad has always been to me.

Through all of this year of grieving, some beautiful and wonderful things have happened too! Our precious little Zona Marie arrived at the end of June. For the first several weeks, she didn’t even cry. She has such a sweet little countenance. That little baby girlie soothes me and is the salve that my heart and soul need.

While my life has changed in many ways, my family has stuck by me through it all. When I look back at my parenting adventure I wonder if I did it right. Was I there enough? Did I do enough? What I know for sure is that I couldn’t have loved my kids more. I made so many mistakes, but because of that love, my kids forgive me and love me through all that I am going through. No matter what decisions I make, my family still seems to love me. Thank.God.for.miracles.

Break

I am on hiatus, if you haven’t already noticed this.  My normal creative life seems rather uninspired these days.  Maybe it is the fact that my grief over my dad’s passing seems insurmountable.  Maybe it is just the fact that I am burnt out.  Maybe I just need a break.  Either way, this I am sure of, I am taking a break.  While I know life goes on, it is really hard for me to frolic along when my heart is so sad.  I know that there is much to be excited about; I have a new grandbaby girl coming – and that is exciting!  I know that Spring is in the air and that things are beginning to feel fresh and new.  I know, I know, I know.  The fact of the matter is, my dad is gone.  I miss him.  And some day I will feel better, but that day is not today.

Three Months

So much has changed in the span of 3 months.


Thank you to all of you who have prayed for me, my Dad, and my family through the last rounds of my Dad’s fight with lung cancer. He went home to be with Jesus on January 22nd. My Dad was many things to many people. This was so evident by the myriad of people who have washed their love and support over me and my family.

I would use these adjectives to describe my Dad:

Brilliant                                            Wise
Godly                                                Nurturing
Loving                                              Conscientious
Considerate                                     Quick Witted
Logical                                              Faithful
Courageous                                      Diligent
Honorable                                        Loyal
Ethical                                              Humble
Handsome                                       Precise
Generous                                         Funny

My Dad said that if God would have given him a choice as to how he wanted to live out the rest of his life, and his choices were to either live long and prosper (in true Star Trek form) or to live the life path of cancer, he would have chosen the exact one he had. He would have chosen the path with cancer. He said that without it, God would not have given him the opportunity to meet, bless and be blessed by as many people as he did during his cancer journey. He, my friends, was an amazing man.

As I go through this process of grief, I want to redirect my thinking from being sad that my Dad is gone to being grateful that I have had such an amazing person in my life for the past 51 years. Feels like a big feat right now, but I am grateful. I love you Daddy!

Halloween

Forever, Halloween has been an event for my girls. Primarily because their dad made such a big deal about the holiday that it burned it in their souls! This year was no exception! J’Amy and Eric had a Halloween party to beat all Halloween parties! The decorating throughout was over the top, both inside and out! The.food.was.amazing.and.the.party.was.phenomenal.


The whole event started out with a bang. Three years ago Halloween night, Drayton proposed to Ashley:

Then on Saturday we all gathered to take a family picture, in costume, when the camera was ready to snap, Drayton said “one, two, three, Ashley’s pregnant!!!” Wow!!! There is going to be a Bailey baby…. Please see the photographic proof below:

Hosting was the beautiful witch and wizard - - the Winters ….

Also there was the Auntie and Uncle witch and wizard… and of course Oz the Owl

Woody and Bo Peep showed up…. Whooa there Sheriff….

Shrek and Fiona stopped in on their way back to the Swamp

And of course no Halloween party is complete without a vampire!

What a great party! What great news! There is going to be another baby! Yea, yea, yea…what a party that will be!

Fishing Stories

Well it kind of went like this.  Once upon a time there was this:

 That wrought this:

 And this:

That became this:

 And then here:

 To here:

Then this:

To Finally this:

 The End.

Oregon

It sure has been a time since my swiftly flying fingers found their way to my blog.  So much going on, so much to do, so much to NOT do, and even more that I want to do.  So, here I sit, Orange Spice Tea in hand, reflecting.

Just a couple short weeks ago I was here:

Doing this:

With:

And:

And:

And I learned some things, relearned a few more, and came to realizations about others.  The most important "not so new" realization is that time is precious.  The time spent with my family making memories that will last me my entire lifetime - - is precious.

The beauty that surrounds us is just phenomenal.

I am an ocean girl right to the inner depths of my soul.  I don't think I could survive without that occasional fix.

I learned that fishing for albacore tuna is not for sissies.  And I ain't no sissy.

My mother is the most beautiful, genuine, incredible loving, sweetest lady on this planet.  She just is.  Period.  My dad is a fighter; a trooper; my hero.  My baby brother is an amazing man, gentle, kind and a great husband.  My sister (in-law) tickles me right to the bone.  She is genuine Oklahoma, and I love it, and her quick smile. And my man.... what a good, honest man.

Oregon was, as always, a lovely time filled with laughter, fishing, bridges, loverboy, cheese, Mo's, salty air, fog, and fun.

Volunteering

My mom has a tender heart. She always has. She is good at so many things. One of the qualities I admire the most is her organizational skills. I love that she reorganizes my utensil drawer every time that she comes to my house. Or that she loves to fold the socks in the sock basket. But one quality of my mom's that I have always adored is her tenderness toward elderly people. She connects, she engages, and she loves them. I remember being somewhere around the age of 8-12 (those years are somewhat of a blur...... I think that is about the time that I had my Mrs. Brady haircut) and my mom was a part of the church ministry that went to the senior convalescent home. She was always had a heart for loving them.

Last November I was presented with an opportunity to volunteer for Salt Lake County delivering Meals on Wheels. It has been a wonderfully rewarding experience for me. I have met Donna, the sweet little blind lady who faithfully reads her braille National Geographic and can't wait to tell me about the Aborigines of Australia, and how much she would love to visit and "see" that country. Donna is 83 years old and has been blind since she was 2. I love her chuckle, it reminds me of my sweet grandma. Precious little Jerry passed away last week. He always had a smile and was excited about the weather, being the weather geek that I am, we loved to visit about it. I will miss him.

On my last MOW run, I was right in the middle of a project, but it was my day to deliver. I thought I could get out, get it done and get back to work in a record 30 minutes so that I could get back to my project. I was just about done with my route, two deliveries on Elgin Ave. I pulled up to Glen's house, ran in with a quick hello, smile, and asked how he was doing. He said "Fine, have you seen my tree?" All I could answer was "Golly, Glen, I rushed in so fast, I didn't see. But I will sure look on my way out!" This is Glen's tree.

The tree was so beautiful. I spent time just looking at it, and took a couple of pictures. I walked back to Glen's door, and showed him the pictures I took of his tree. I thanked him for making sure that I took time to look at his beautiful tree. Thanks Glen for bringing me perspective.

I thought that volunteering would help fill a need at the County and would be something that I could easily do. But what I have learned is that it really has helped me. I have learned to be grateful for my eyesight; to dream - - vividly; to take time to see the beauty of pink blossoms on a tree despite the pouring rain. This has been a beautiful opportunity. In some small way I may be helping these seniors, but in a larger way - - they are helping me.

Thank you Mr. and Mrs. O, Donna, Glen, Betty, Cliff, Kathryn, and Jan.