Go/NoGo

In my day job the term Go/NoGo is used daily. In this context it refers to whether or not we chase a project. There are several factors that weigh into that decision like size of the project, potential gross margin, and local experience in that area. We look at all the criteria, and based upon a weighted scale, we decide Go/NoGo.

I have always been rather fond of Ben Franklin’s decision making model. I use this model in most key decisions that I make. To say I am fond of it, well let me just lay my cards on the table…. I have a spreadsheet. There, you happy?

The basis of the model is really rather simple. You frame the decision in the form of a question, something that is answerable in either a yes or no regarding a course of action. Then you list the pros and cons, attaching a 1-10 importance rating scale to each of them. The next step is to assess the probability of the pros and cons by attaching a number to it. If the outcome is certain, then it would rate a 10. Once I have weighted, and assessed the probability, then I pretty much press GO on my spreadsheet and it magically multiplies the weight by the probability and totals the Pro and Con columns. Sometimes I will even weigh in my gut feeling. I am sure that Ben would have done this too. In the end, the decision really comes down to simple math.

Sometimes these decisions put us at a crossroads in our lives and the decision, when weighty, really feels too big for the spreadsheet ~ and logic really doesn’t seem to be the appropriate approach to these decisions. What then does one do? Ask Marge – she would say “pray”. Ask Jen, she would say “go with your gut.” Ask Cindie, and all I can say is that I wish it were as simple as an algebraic equation.

Home is Where the Heart Is

I have always felt strongly about being a California girl. Ask me. I will tell you that I am a valley girl from SoCal. And yes, I can totally pick off a valley girl accent. Further to that, I was a valley girl long before it was the thaing to be one. Just sayin.

But I find as life goes on and I, ahem, age.... Home is more where my heart is. There are so many things about Utah that I love. How can you not love this, the amazing skies:
There is so much beauty in the Wasatch, so incredibly majestic.

This is my little Bountiful valley:
And the sunsets....seriously....
Although Utah may not be this:
It certainly is this:

And therein lie my heart.

That's The Way She Rolls

Sherwood Schwartz, creator of Gilligan’s Island & Brady Bunch (two of my most favorite sitcoms whilst growing up) passed away last week. My children have long since known that I make up lyrics to the tune of the Brady Bunch song regularly. Here is my latest version. In Sherwood's honor, please sing along with me to the Brady Bunch melody:
Here’s the story of a dog named Maggie
Who was living the perfect dog’s life.
She loved her ball and to chase it…
That’s really all there was.

Here’s the story of a dog named Scooter
Who would laugh at her wild and crazy ways
He would lay down and ignore her
Like any lazy dog should…

Till the one day when Maggie just decided
To be true to her own dog self
She must run and chase her true love
Because that’s the way she rolls.
The way she rolls. The way she rolls.

That’s just the way Magdalena rolls.

Here is the pictorial version of the same song:
Here’s the story of a dog named Maggie



Who was living the perfect dog’s life.
She loved her ball and to chase it…


That’s really all there was.

Here’s the story of a dog named Scooter

Who would laugh at her wild and crazy ways

He would lay down and ignore her


Like any lazy dog should…

Till the one day when Maggie just decided

To be true to her own dog self.
She must run and chase her true love

Because that’s the way she rolls.
The way she rolls. The way she rolls.

That’s just the way Magdalena rolls.

I know, I know....brings a tear to your eye doesn't it? It's a love story, what can I say?

Life Garden

Yesterday began as a lovely Sunday morning. I had thought I would commune with nature and plant the flowers that I had bought well over three weeks before that still remained in their plastic quad packs. Gorgeous day… I changed into my red sweats and ugly white tee shirt and sat on the patio for a time; drank a little coffee; contemplated solitary patio life; contemplated what it would be like to have the life of a dog and only run and chase balls for a living. Ahhhh the life of Magdalena.

I started planting the flowers that I had ignored for a few weeks, I felt guilty as I had to throw away several of them that had been neglected beyond repair. I am not exactly sure whether they were wholly and fully neglected, or whether or not Scooter peed on them. It could be either… just sayin’. I got all the flower pots planted, weeded the side planter, swept and washed the patio down.

There is something about planting my garden that is fulfilling to me. I don’t know whether it is the feeling that I am starting something fresh and new, or whether I like to nurture and watch it grow, or whether I am anxious for tomatoes. I just know that year after year I plant my garden with great anticipation.

This year I decided that I really should plant my life garden. I want to do it with the same level of anticipation, excitement, and hope with which I plant my petunias, tomatoes, peppers, and marigolds. I am tired of solitary patio living. I want to travel to a romantic destination with….. someone. I want there to be a PaPa in the Grandma realm. I guess that as much as I am really good at making marinara, gazpacho and salsa from my garden, I am less successful in the cultivation process of my life garden. I need to work on that.

Today Was a Good Day

I believe that there are some days that are easier to get through than others. I also believe you have to count your blessings when/if you can. I further believe that good days are measured relative to the person who is measuring. This is me today.



I am thinking that today was a good day.

In a New York Minute Everything Can Change

The lyrics from the Eagle’s song New York Minute, hit home this past week. They read:

And in these days
When darkness falls early
And people rush home
To the ones they love
You better take a fool's advice
And take care of your own
One day they're here;
Next day they're gone

Literally, in a New York minute everything can change and does. As those words floated through my head along with the lyrics Don Henley hauntingly sings, my mind drifted to days and times when he was still here.

I remembered leaving work, going to my car and having it all decorated, with love notes he left all over it. I thought about the bill that he must have run up at Peg’s Flower Shop in Sunland for sending me flowers every 9th of the month. I remembered going to the Eagles concert and racing Lee Majors. I remembered him sneaking up behind me at Hober’s Pharmacy and snuggling my neck with a stuffed animal, and later finding that same stuffed animal in my car with a note that said “Please take me home and love me” more referring to him than the stuffed animal. I remembered our honeymoon, and the flowers he had delivered the next day to MRS. Cindie Lund. Then I remembered the sign he painted “It’s a Girl”. And then ditto when the next one came. I remembered him in the brown sweater, sleeves pushed up, his long legs, and his curly long hair. I remembered that man, not the one he became. I mourned him. I wept for him. I loved him.

Bathroom vs. Birthday Party

I admit it. I am not a good closer. Sometimes I struggle with completion. I know, I know ~ I am in therapy. But the first step is admitting you have a problem right?

Sometime back I tore apart my bathroom downstairs when the plaid wallpaper just wasn't doing it for me anymore. Back in the day, I used to tear apart a whole room, paint it and redecorate it in 6 nano seconds. But when I tore apart the bathroom I forgot that I am now...Ahem... 49, it took a lot longer. I enlisted help from all sources available. They completed - - came through for their Momma, but I am still left to finishing. And, as I so bravely admitted above, I am a poor closer. So.... enter my dilemma.

Do I finish up my bathroom or make a run up to Idaho and surprise my baby brother for his birthday? Bathroom..... birthday...... bathroom...... birthday......

Being the great closer that I

am

want to be ------------- BIRTHDAY!

Jake and I loaded up and started the 5 hour trek northwest. We had a great time visiting, listening to audio books (I love my new iPod Touch!) We stopped in Brigham City on our way. Being in that little town conjures so much in me. So many swirly emotions that I don't know how necessarily to address them all. It was there that I felt more alone than I have ever been in my life, completely isolated from everyone who loved me and every thing familiar to me. It was also a place where I have never been more loved in my life. The place where all my children were born. The place where I couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting an ex-husband. A place so stifling that I knew if I didn't escape it, the pure essence of my life would be sucked from me. And yet, all that said, when I go through I can't help but admire the beauty of its gorgeous and majestic mountains

And the quaint feel of the tree lined Main Street.

Jake and I had the opportunity to talk about where he came from, where he is going. We reminisced about times gone by and fun times in Brigham City. It's good for a boy to remember his roots. It is good for all of us to Remember Who You Are and What You Stand For.

We arrived in Boise and had a great time visiting with my Mom and Daddy. I always feel so connected; so plugged in when I spend time with my parents and my family. They encourage, they love, they help me to remember who I am and what I stand for.

Mike got the fishing assortment that every boy wants....please see Power Bait photo...

And if you don't get the correct/enough fishing accoutrement, then there is this - - The Sportsman's Warehouse gift card.

And seriously - - - you have to look cute when you fish right? (Ahem, that would have been my birthday present.....but hey, I did give him an econo sized jar of smoked almonds....you can take that fishing right??)

The birthday party was the right choice. My little brother will be 48 in a few days. And while I don't know everything about life, making the right decisions or being a good closer - - this I know, I made the right choice between the bathroom and the birthday party... Love you Miquito!

Mother's Day

To say that I feel blessed as a mother probably sounds so run of the mill. How do I say how incredibly lucky I feel to have three beautiful, healthy, happy, well adjusted, funny, wonderful children?

First, both of the girls called me and wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. Jake woke up first thing in the morning (closer to noon) and the first thing he did whilst stumbling out of bed was to come find me, kiss me, and tell me Happy Mother’s Day. Seriously? It doesn’t get better than that…. but wait, there’s more. Earlier in the week, each one of my kids posted on Facebook their own version of me.

J’Amy’s read:


“Well words can't really put into perspective how perfectly wonderful my mother is. Yes, you all should be jealous! :D She is by far the most remarkably loving mother and Grandma. She has stood by my side through everything, when I look around and can’t seem to see anyone in the clouds….There she is.”

From the moment she was born, my little nickel baby, she was my first love. The day she came I looked at her and knew that my life would never be the same again. The amount of joy, laughter, and pride that she has brought to my life is immeasurable. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for her and all that she has brought to me.

Then Ashley:


“An Ode to my Momma you never cease to amaze me whether that is with your talent, kindness or beauty. You have forever & will forever be the best teacher I have. I can't tell you how much beauty dwells in you & is shown in your everyday life. I love you SO much Momma & can never express how blessed I am to have you! -Buggie”

Ashley has always been my little ladybug - - my Buggie. She blesses me. She warms me to my soul and in her I see a light that transcends this world, an eternal flame. Every day of my life I am grateful for her. It was not by a stroke of luck that she is mine and I am hers. She is a precious part of my life, my journey. I am forever glad that she is mine.

And last of all, my Jacob, the man of many (NOT) words:

“I changed my profile picture to one of my favorite memories that I have with my mom to honor her for mothers day. I love her with all my heart and couldn’t ask for a better mom. I love you momma :)”

Ahhhhh my dear and sweet Jakie boy.... He has been my darling baby boy. He has been the light and joy of my life. There is nothing that compares to the love between a mom and son. I can look at him and feel his happiness, his sadness, his joy, and sometimes his anxiety. He and I are connected ~ we get each other. He is my precious, my baby, my son. There is nothing quite like it. .... I love you!

The week started wonderful with such beautiful things on Facebook. And then on Mother’s Day the girls made an incredibly yummy dinner, that I didn’t have to lift a finger to prepare or clean up after - - - niiiiiice. Maycie made me an absolutely stunning, seriously stunning, pipe cleaner necklace. J’Amy had the kids make me a darling flower pot with all of their handprints and B’s footprint…precious! And fun little miscellaneous decorating items. Ashley and Drayton gave me the perfect plant – Moses’ cradle in the perfect pot - - a HUGE coffee cup. Seriously, I don’t think she could have picked anything more aprapos. And Jake surprised me by getting off early from work just to come and spend the day with me. Sometimes, the gift of time is more valuable than anything.

Again, to close this post with what a blessing my kids are to me seems trite, but you know what? They just are.

Muah!

Obsessions

Sometimes I write just to let things loose from my mind, perhaps even releasing the notion that they are bad in some way. And sometimes they just need to be said. For this post, it is simply something shared. The following is my list as I see it today:

The pursuit of knowledge
Lists
Feeling buoyant in the ocean
Leo Carrillo – it pulls me, it grounds me, it centers me
The early morning smell of dew in the garden
Perfect coffee
Cute toes
The smell of a baby’s head
Soup
Hot sun on cool skin
Purses
Beautiful sunsets
Color and texture
The sound of wind in trees reminding me that we don’t always see what’s there but we certainly can feel it

Easter

So what a beautiful day it was today! I woke with an absolute glow ~ not sure what that was about, but either way, I am not questioning it. I am just going with it!

All was in order for the big day:

Bunny Towel - Check.

Easter Eggs Hidden in Plain View - Check.

Easter Cupcakes - Check.

Then along came the kids - seriously I don't think it gets cuter... First this,

Then this,

Then this??? Help me Rhonda!

Kayla and TeeTee

Ashley and Drayton

How did I miss a picture of J'Amy and Eric?

= = = Insert Picture Here= = = =

It was a great day filled with love, family, cupcakes, deviled eggs, and oh ya, fairy dances too...

Muah!

The Voice that Whispers in the Back of Your Head

I know we all know that Voice. You know the one that says “Hey remember those butter cream cookies in the kitchen???”; or the one that says “Nah… you don’t want to go to the gym tonight.” I think the Voice is commonly referred to as Jiminy Cricket. Okay, well I know that Jiminy wasn't reminding me that there were butter cream cookies in the kitchen....

In the movie Pinocchio, the Blue Fairy tells Pinocchio “You must learn to choose between right and wrong.” Pinocchio says, “Right and wrong? But how will I know?” The Blue Fairy answers that his conscience will tell him. Pinocchio, being completely naïve asks, “What are conscience?” Jiminy Cricket pipes up with, “What are conscience! I'll tell ya! A conscience is that still small voice that people won't listen to. That's just the trouble with the world today...”

So here I am listening to my conscience, listening to my gut. And sometimes doing the right thing isn’t easy. It hurts. But I also know that if I think about how difficult it is to do the right thing in my life, I can only imagine how difficult it will be to live my life doing the wrong things. People think that doing the right thing is hard, and I agree with them, it is hard. On the other hand, doing the wrong thing seems easy, but seriously, it gets hard fast. And then undoing the wrong thing seems to take a lot more time and energy than we thought, all the while taking the effort away from the initial focus of - - - doing the right thing. So in the end, doing the right thing turns out to be doing the easiest thing.

And after all, who wants Jiminy Cricket saying “Go ahead, make a fool of yourself, then maybe you'll listen to your conscience.” No thank you.... not me.

Rainy Days and Mondays…

I think I am either having déjà vu, or I have titled a previous post the same. First it is a rainy day, and second it is a Monday. And further both days are gloomy, whether it is a Monday or a rainy day. Today is gloomy. This is a picture from Olympus Cove.

And this is the Vortex Radar.

Hint: Blue and Green ain't good.

This is downtown Salt Lake - - Are those roads or rivers?

Sometimes shaking the gloom of a Monday lasts on into Tuesday, and on a bad week by the end of the day Wednesday. I have this just nagging feeling that this could last into Thursday. I don’t know… just sayin.

Typically, Spring brings such a sense of freshness for me, a feeling of new beginning. Hope springs anew. My daffodils are blooming, sometimes the tulips (if the varmint deer haven’t done a throw down on them.) Why does Spring feel so different this year? Kind of like I am still waiting for the Spring trigger to go off. I think something is missing; maybe something lost. Maybe it is warmth. Maybe I just need to get out of my head. Maybe I need to have eyes wide open; to get anchored in the love and beauty that surrounds me despite the fact that it is a rainy day and that it is a Monday.

Perhaps seeing the beauty of my front yard…right here…

It's Just How I Roll

As life rolls along, you tear your bathroom apart because the plaid wallpaper doesn’t look as cute as you thought it did 7 years ago when you put it up. You find that there is two feet of piled up leaves in between the border of the fence and the concrete and finding the wherewithal to clean them out absolutely escapes you. You realize that two little weiner dogs can deposit an ungodly amount “fertilizer” on the lawn over the winter. And just about the moment that you wrap around all of these little factoids, anomalies, and realizations, a curve ball hits you. Who knew you were playing baseball? It is basketball season for God's sake. You take this in stride; you make the best of it. You even try to spin it in a positive light. But in the end, it was still a curve ball that hit you like a sucker punch. Just as you finish reeling from the shock and awe of it all, something bright and sunny happens. But you question it. You second guess it, because after all, that is what you do. You are the queen of second, third, fourth and fifth guessing. Typically when something is too good to be true, it usually is. I am holding out hope that this good thing is true. Because that is just the sortofgal that I am. You know - - it's just how I roll. .

Life is All About the Moments

I will always cherish and remember the time that I spent with my grandma. I loved the way that she made scrambled eggs. And she would cut up my banana…. I loved that. These are the Moments I hold near and dear to my heart.

This weekend I had Maycie Jean overnight. We did our regular routine of chicken nuggets, cheese, and cut up banana. We read books and sang songs. Please see below for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and associated hand motions….this would be “like a diamond in the sky.”



We also baked cookies…We started off with all fresh ingredients, kneaded, rolled out, cut into those perfect Valentine cookies….. ummmm not…..


Maycie will now demonstrate the proper way to arrange store bought cookie dough on a round baking sheet.

When I asked Maycie if she thought the cookies would be good, she handed me some dough and said "I don't know.... You taste it."

We got them all arranged and put them in the oven to bake.

I put 10 minutes on the timer.

Maycie: Grandma what are you doing?

Me: I am turning the timer on so that Grandma will remember that there are cookies in the oven."

Maycie: Silly Grandma, you will remember.

Me: Trust me, I won't.

And in the famous words and gesture of Maycie Jean she says.... "But you will..." Duh, Grandma....

For the next ten minutes, we did princess poses....

Taste testing of uncooked cookies...I don't recommend this...

We even completed a rousing round of calisthenics involving heads, shoulders, knees and toes....you know I am all about getting daily exercise.

We even had a momentary stare....

Then that was it - the timer went off and out came our hard work....

I know that Life really is about the moments. I know I will never forget the moments of my grandma's and my time together. I pray that Maycie Jean will always remember ours!

Muah!