Bathroom vs. Birthday Party

I admit it. I am not a good closer. Sometimes I struggle with completion. I know, I know ~ I am in therapy. But the first step is admitting you have a problem right?

Sometime back I tore apart my bathroom downstairs when the plaid wallpaper just wasn't doing it for me anymore. Back in the day, I used to tear apart a whole room, paint it and redecorate it in 6 nano seconds. But when I tore apart the bathroom I forgot that I am now...Ahem... 49, it took a lot longer. I enlisted help from all sources available. They completed - - came through for their Momma, but I am still left to finishing. And, as I so bravely admitted above, I am a poor closer. So.... enter my dilemma.

Do I finish up my bathroom or make a run up to Idaho and surprise my baby brother for his birthday? Bathroom..... birthday...... bathroom...... birthday......

Being the great closer that I

am

want to be ------------- BIRTHDAY!

Jake and I loaded up and started the 5 hour trek northwest. We had a great time visiting, listening to audio books (I love my new iPod Touch!) We stopped in Brigham City on our way. Being in that little town conjures so much in me. So many swirly emotions that I don't know how necessarily to address them all. It was there that I felt more alone than I have ever been in my life, completely isolated from everyone who loved me and every thing familiar to me. It was also a place where I have never been more loved in my life. The place where all my children were born. The place where I couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting an ex-husband. A place so stifling that I knew if I didn't escape it, the pure essence of my life would be sucked from me. And yet, all that said, when I go through I can't help but admire the beauty of its gorgeous and majestic mountains

And the quaint feel of the tree lined Main Street.

Jake and I had the opportunity to talk about where he came from, where he is going. We reminisced about times gone by and fun times in Brigham City. It's good for a boy to remember his roots. It is good for all of us to Remember Who You Are and What You Stand For.

We arrived in Boise and had a great time visiting with my Mom and Daddy. I always feel so connected; so plugged in when I spend time with my parents and my family. They encourage, they love, they help me to remember who I am and what I stand for.

Mike got the fishing assortment that every boy wants....please see Power Bait photo...

And if you don't get the correct/enough fishing accoutrement, then there is this - - The Sportsman's Warehouse gift card.

And seriously - - - you have to look cute when you fish right? (Ahem, that would have been my birthday present.....but hey, I did give him an econo sized jar of smoked almonds....you can take that fishing right??)

The birthday party was the right choice. My little brother will be 48 in a few days. And while I don't know everything about life, making the right decisions or being a good closer - - this I know, I made the right choice between the bathroom and the birthday party... Love you Miquito!

Mother's Day

To say that I feel blessed as a mother probably sounds so run of the mill. How do I say how incredibly lucky I feel to have three beautiful, healthy, happy, well adjusted, funny, wonderful children?

First, both of the girls called me and wished me a Happy Mother’s Day. Jake woke up first thing in the morning (closer to noon) and the first thing he did whilst stumbling out of bed was to come find me, kiss me, and tell me Happy Mother’s Day. Seriously? It doesn’t get better than that…. but wait, there’s more. Earlier in the week, each one of my kids posted on Facebook their own version of me.

J’Amy’s read:


“Well words can't really put into perspective how perfectly wonderful my mother is. Yes, you all should be jealous! :D She is by far the most remarkably loving mother and Grandma. She has stood by my side through everything, when I look around and can’t seem to see anyone in the clouds….There she is.”

From the moment she was born, my little nickel baby, she was my first love. The day she came I looked at her and knew that my life would never be the same again. The amount of joy, laughter, and pride that she has brought to my life is immeasurable. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for her and all that she has brought to me.

Then Ashley:


“An Ode to my Momma you never cease to amaze me whether that is with your talent, kindness or beauty. You have forever & will forever be the best teacher I have. I can't tell you how much beauty dwells in you & is shown in your everyday life. I love you SO much Momma & can never express how blessed I am to have you! -Buggie”

Ashley has always been my little ladybug - - my Buggie. She blesses me. She warms me to my soul and in her I see a light that transcends this world, an eternal flame. Every day of my life I am grateful for her. It was not by a stroke of luck that she is mine and I am hers. She is a precious part of my life, my journey. I am forever glad that she is mine.

And last of all, my Jacob, the man of many (NOT) words:

“I changed my profile picture to one of my favorite memories that I have with my mom to honor her for mothers day. I love her with all my heart and couldn’t ask for a better mom. I love you momma :)”

Ahhhhh my dear and sweet Jakie boy.... He has been my darling baby boy. He has been the light and joy of my life. There is nothing that compares to the love between a mom and son. I can look at him and feel his happiness, his sadness, his joy, and sometimes his anxiety. He and I are connected ~ we get each other. He is my precious, my baby, my son. There is nothing quite like it. .... I love you!

The week started wonderful with such beautiful things on Facebook. And then on Mother’s Day the girls made an incredibly yummy dinner, that I didn’t have to lift a finger to prepare or clean up after - - - niiiiiice. Maycie made me an absolutely stunning, seriously stunning, pipe cleaner necklace. J’Amy had the kids make me a darling flower pot with all of their handprints and B’s footprint…precious! And fun little miscellaneous decorating items. Ashley and Drayton gave me the perfect plant – Moses’ cradle in the perfect pot - - a HUGE coffee cup. Seriously, I don’t think she could have picked anything more aprapos. And Jake surprised me by getting off early from work just to come and spend the day with me. Sometimes, the gift of time is more valuable than anything.

Again, to close this post with what a blessing my kids are to me seems trite, but you know what? They just are.

Muah!

Obsessions

Sometimes I write just to let things loose from my mind, perhaps even releasing the notion that they are bad in some way. And sometimes they just need to be said. For this post, it is simply something shared. The following is my list as I see it today:

The pursuit of knowledge
Lists
Feeling buoyant in the ocean
Leo Carrillo – it pulls me, it grounds me, it centers me
The early morning smell of dew in the garden
Perfect coffee
Cute toes
The smell of a baby’s head
Soup
Hot sun on cool skin
Purses
Beautiful sunsets
Color and texture
The sound of wind in trees reminding me that we don’t always see what’s there but we certainly can feel it

Easter

So what a beautiful day it was today! I woke with an absolute glow ~ not sure what that was about, but either way, I am not questioning it. I am just going with it!

All was in order for the big day:

Bunny Towel - Check.

Easter Eggs Hidden in Plain View - Check.

Easter Cupcakes - Check.

Then along came the kids - seriously I don't think it gets cuter... First this,

Then this,

Then this??? Help me Rhonda!

Kayla and TeeTee

Ashley and Drayton

How did I miss a picture of J'Amy and Eric?

= = = Insert Picture Here= = = =

It was a great day filled with love, family, cupcakes, deviled eggs, and oh ya, fairy dances too...

Muah!

The Voice that Whispers in the Back of Your Head

I know we all know that Voice. You know the one that says “Hey remember those butter cream cookies in the kitchen???”; or the one that says “Nah… you don’t want to go to the gym tonight.” I think the Voice is commonly referred to as Jiminy Cricket. Okay, well I know that Jiminy wasn't reminding me that there were butter cream cookies in the kitchen....

In the movie Pinocchio, the Blue Fairy tells Pinocchio “You must learn to choose between right and wrong.” Pinocchio says, “Right and wrong? But how will I know?” The Blue Fairy answers that his conscience will tell him. Pinocchio, being completely naïve asks, “What are conscience?” Jiminy Cricket pipes up with, “What are conscience! I'll tell ya! A conscience is that still small voice that people won't listen to. That's just the trouble with the world today...”

So here I am listening to my conscience, listening to my gut. And sometimes doing the right thing isn’t easy. It hurts. But I also know that if I think about how difficult it is to do the right thing in my life, I can only imagine how difficult it will be to live my life doing the wrong things. People think that doing the right thing is hard, and I agree with them, it is hard. On the other hand, doing the wrong thing seems easy, but seriously, it gets hard fast. And then undoing the wrong thing seems to take a lot more time and energy than we thought, all the while taking the effort away from the initial focus of - - - doing the right thing. So in the end, doing the right thing turns out to be doing the easiest thing.

And after all, who wants Jiminy Cricket saying “Go ahead, make a fool of yourself, then maybe you'll listen to your conscience.” No thank you.... not me.

Rainy Days and Mondays…

I think I am either having déjà vu, or I have titled a previous post the same. First it is a rainy day, and second it is a Monday. And further both days are gloomy, whether it is a Monday or a rainy day. Today is gloomy. This is a picture from Olympus Cove.

And this is the Vortex Radar.

Hint: Blue and Green ain't good.

This is downtown Salt Lake - - Are those roads or rivers?

Sometimes shaking the gloom of a Monday lasts on into Tuesday, and on a bad week by the end of the day Wednesday. I have this just nagging feeling that this could last into Thursday. I don’t know… just sayin.

Typically, Spring brings such a sense of freshness for me, a feeling of new beginning. Hope springs anew. My daffodils are blooming, sometimes the tulips (if the varmint deer haven’t done a throw down on them.) Why does Spring feel so different this year? Kind of like I am still waiting for the Spring trigger to go off. I think something is missing; maybe something lost. Maybe it is warmth. Maybe I just need to get out of my head. Maybe I need to have eyes wide open; to get anchored in the love and beauty that surrounds me despite the fact that it is a rainy day and that it is a Monday.

Perhaps seeing the beauty of my front yard…right here…

It's Just How I Roll

As life rolls along, you tear your bathroom apart because the plaid wallpaper doesn’t look as cute as you thought it did 7 years ago when you put it up. You find that there is two feet of piled up leaves in between the border of the fence and the concrete and finding the wherewithal to clean them out absolutely escapes you. You realize that two little weiner dogs can deposit an ungodly amount “fertilizer” on the lawn over the winter. And just about the moment that you wrap around all of these little factoids, anomalies, and realizations, a curve ball hits you. Who knew you were playing baseball? It is basketball season for God's sake. You take this in stride; you make the best of it. You even try to spin it in a positive light. But in the end, it was still a curve ball that hit you like a sucker punch. Just as you finish reeling from the shock and awe of it all, something bright and sunny happens. But you question it. You second guess it, because after all, that is what you do. You are the queen of second, third, fourth and fifth guessing. Typically when something is too good to be true, it usually is. I am holding out hope that this good thing is true. Because that is just the sortofgal that I am. You know - - it's just how I roll. .